NSA tracks secret liberal lab

(Satire)

Odd Squad News

February 24, 2006

Unconfirmed sources have alleged that the National Security Agency is investigating a report that liberal American scientists have established a secret time travel laboratory somewhere in the Pacific Northwest and are planning to use the device to bring back certain American historical figures to counter the claims of the Bush Administration.

"The theory," said one anonymous source, "is that if they bring back such luminaries as George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and Teddy Roosevelt, they'll be able to put this administration on the run."

The NSA has so far refused to comment on the case, though an agency spokesperson responded with a rueful laugh and a shake of his head when asked about it.

"What they have to worry about," said one Presidential historian, "is keeping Thomas Jefferson away from weapons--he's likely to march right out and launch a second American revolution on the spot.

"That's assuming, of course, that time travel isn't just yet another liberal daydream. These poor people are DYING for leadership."